Do you know what a turtle does when it gets scared? It hides inside its hard shell. The shell keeps the turtle safe. But the turtle also cannot play or get hugs when it is hiding. Some people do the same thing. But instead of a shell, they hide inside their minds.
Have you ever had a friend, or someone you liked, try to get really close to you? Did it make you want to run away? Did you suddenly feel very scared? If you feel like running away when someone wants to be close, you are not bad. You are not broken. You are just scared.
I help people learn about love. I see this all the time. Many people run away from love. But we can fix it. Let me tell you a story about how our brains work.
When You Were Little
Think about when you were a very little kid. Little kids have big feelings. Sometimes you were very happy. Sometimes you were very sad. Sometimes you cried a lot.
But what happened when you cried? What happened when you were scared?
Maybe the big people around you got mad. Maybe they said, “Stop crying! Be a big kid!” Maybe they did not hug you. Maybe they ignored you.
When big people do not help you with your big feelings, your brain gets scared. Your brain says, “Oh no! Feelings are bad. If I show my feelings, people will be mean. I must hide my feelings!”
So, you learned a trick. You learned to hide. You learned to play by yourself. You learned not to ask for help. The big people might have said, “Wow, you are so quiet! You are so good!” But you were not being good. You were hiding to stay safe.
Growing Up and Getting a Phone
Now you are bigger. You are not a little kid anymore. You have a phone. You talk to people on your phone. You meet people you like.
But your brain still remembers the old rule. Your brain still says, “Hide! Do not get too close!”
So, what do you do? You use your phone to hide.
Do you know what a meme is? It is a funny picture with words on it. People send them to each other to make each other laugh.
Sometimes, people send Romantic love memes are pictures that say “I love you” or “You are cute” in a funny way.
Sending romantic love memes is very safe. It is easy. You can send romantic love memes to someone, and it makes them smile. But here is the secret: romantic love memes can be a hiding place, too.
When you send romantic love memes, you do not have to use your real voice. You do not have to look into their eyes. You do not have to say, “I am scared, but I like you.” You push a button and send romantic love memes. It feels like love, but it is just a picture.
If they do not like the romantic love memes you send, it does not hurt as much, because it was just a joke. You can say, “It was just a meme!” and run away. It is a very good trick for staying safe inside your shell.
The Lonely Feeling
But guess what happens next? You keep sending romantic love memes. You keep joking. You keep people far away.
Then, you feel sad. You feel lonely.
You can send one hundred romantic love memes. But if you never let someone see the real you, you will still be lonely. A funny picture cannot hold your hand. A funny picture cannot give you a real hug. A funny picture cannot wipe your tears when you are sad.
Your trick kept you safe when you were little. But now, the trick is making you lonely. You want a real friend. You want real love. But you are too scared to come out of your shell.
What Good Love Looks Like
Many people do not know what good love looks like. If your mom and dad yelled a lot, or if they did not show love, how would you learn?
Good love is not scary. Good love does not mean you lose all your toys. Good love does not mean you have to hold hands every single second of the day.
Good love is like having a warm, safe blanket.
With good love, you can say, “I am sad today,” and the person will not run away. They will sit with you.
With good love, you can say, “I need help,” and they will help you. They will not call you a baby.
With good love, you can still play by yourself. You can still have your own room. You can still be you. But you also have a best friend to share the fun with.
Love is not a trap. Love is just adding a very good friend to your life.
How to Be Brave
You have an old rule in your brain. The rule says: Hide your feelings to stay safe. We need to make a new rule. The new rule is: I am safe now. I can show my feelings.
How do we use the new rule? We have to be brave. Being brave does not mean you are not scared. Being brave means you do it even if your tummy feels funny.
Here is how you practice:
- Put the phone down. The next time you want to send romantic love memes, stop. Look at the phone. Take a big, deep breath. Put the phone on the table.
- Use your real words. Instead of sending a funny picture, type a real word. You can type, “I like talking to you.” That is it. It does not have to be a big, long sentence.
- Take tiny steps. You do not have to tell them all your secrets today. Just tell them one small thing. Tell them your favorite color. Tell them about a bad day at school. See what happens.
- Remember you are strong. If they are mean, you will be okay. You are bigger now. You do not need the big people to save you. You can save yourself. So, it is safe to try.
Come Out of the Shell
It takes a long time to learn how to come out of your shell. A turtle does not pop out all at once. It sticks its head out a little bit. It looks around. Then it comes out a little more.
You can do that too.
You do not have to stop sending funny pictures forever. Romantic love memes are still fun! But they cannot be the only way you talk.
You have a big, beautiful heart. You have so much love to give. Do not let the scared little kid inside you keep that love locked up forever.
Be brave. Put down the romantic love memes for just a minute. Look at the person in front of you. Say how you feel. Real love is waiting for you outside of your shell, and it is much better than any picture on a phone.
